I is for Impossible – I have a good friend that says he prefers ‘impossible’ to ‘difficult’ because ‘difficult looks like hard work’. Kids are sometimes impossible and sometimes difficult. We have our work cut out for us.
I is for Impi – now a green dinosaur used for entertainment purposes but it used to be foot soldier in the Zulu army.
I is for Issues – if you have no issues then your children will have them all for you. Same if you have a lot of issues then your children will have issues too but not the same ones as you. Issues need tissues.
I is for Insanity – it hereditary, you get it from your offspring. One only needs to spend about 5 years with a new person to realise that they’re not all there. It’s up to the parent to collect as many marbles for their children as one can – of course, just so that the aforementioned children can lose them again.
I is for Illicit – if you want your kids to know something hide it from them. At first you may have to tell them that you’ve hidden something to whet their curiosity. I like to pretend I have a terrible secret – ‘I stole you from some nice rich people’ is a favourite – it makes them appreciate you more, I’m sure.
I is for Ill – the worst kind of offspring – very high maintenance and demanding. Best to try and keep them healthy.
I is for Innocent – children are often described as innocent looking – that’s where it stops and we all know you can’t go by looks
I is for Impatient – what children are for everything! Food, beverages, fun stuff, to go somewhere, to stop you from singing, to stop you from dancing, for the television to be put on, for the dvd to start, for the sun to shine, for it to rain, etc. To change their clothes every 20 minutes (whether they can dress themselves or not) – Children are Impatient – and society doesn’t help with its ‘instant gratification’ philosophy and practise. You just keep breathing – slowly with your eyes closed, lead by example.
I is for Icky – I’ve touched on this before – Children are Icky – from the tops of their cradle crapped skulls to the tips of their oddly shaped and always needing trimming toe nails – go on deny it.
I is for Irk – if you’ve never been irked before try watching The Royal Wedding all day while holding down a Mom Job.
I is for Interesting – this Mom Job might get mundane in it’s repetiveness but it’s always interesting, ones offspring are free variables and even though you’re going through the motions they’re not, it will always be different to what it was yesterday – thank heavens!
I is for Ischial Crest – fancy medical term for Hip – you know, where you carry them until they get too heavy.
I is for Intuition – so you had Woman’s Intuition before you had kids, check out the revised model: Mother’s Intuition! Be prepared to grow eyes in the back of your head, so that you can drive, hand out snacks, change the music and develop X Ray Vision – you will know when they stick their tongues out at you because you can see through walls , Hearing like an Eagle that allows you to know if it’s a ‘good quiet’ or a ‘bad quiet’. A Sense of Smell that can sniff out the stench of a stinky bum up to 5 rooms away. A Supersonic Voice that can be raised and heard if used correctly in conjunction with a Wooden Spoon. And a Healing Touch – seriously, sometimes just holding the little people can take away the pain or break a fever. Of course these powers only pertain to your own charges and they can’t be transferred for cash but they come in handy nonetheless.
I is for Immune System – this could be included in the super power list because I’ve never known a mother to get sick – not like fathers get sick anyway and certainly not like kids get sick. Immune System – cultivate stronger ones by letting your kids be gross and sticky.
I is for Injuries – kids get hurt, we can only prevent a few of the daily accidents. A First Aid course is never wasted. Kids also heal fast – they have amazing regenerative powers and don’t underestimate the element of Drama that is a part of any proper Owee.
I is for Illustrious – imagine being famous for being a Mom. Having roses strewn at ones feet at the end of each day as you bow to the foot lights after supper and then collect your accolades after all the laundry is done. I suppose Mothering is an Illustrious Career – it’s just invisible and will only be appreciated once your children notice there’s no one to spread their sandwiches for them.
I is for Imminent – Offspring Grow Up, it’s a Fact of Life and it happens faster than you think.
I is for Immature – sometimes it’s not only the inexperienced people in the family that have this trait. One can only hope that it is fleeting for the Adults.
I is for If – yes, it’s an illusion and it’s for children. I love playing “If’ with my kids, “Mom, can I have a TV in my room?” Me: “Sure, IF you grow up and get a decent job and have a nice house, then I’m sure you’ll be able to afford a TV in your room”. “Mom, have you seen my shoes/bag/doll/teddy/car/makeup?” Me: “IF you can’t see them with your healthy young eyes then how can I seem them with my used up old eyes?” “Mom, I think you don’t love me.” Me, “IF you think that, it’s probably true.” “Mom, Stop It!” Me: “IF I stop it then you won’t know what being teased feels like and you’ll grow up without a sense of humour.”