D is for Disaster Area – what your house will be if you’re raising your children properly.
D is for Daring – the outfits you’ll need to wear if you’re nursing in public.
D is for Dipsy – the Green Teletubby
D is for Due Date – if you don’t lose the baby weight fast enough you’ll have to come up with a new one
D is for Delicious – what baby food is not! Unless it’s the squashed fruit in bottles – that’s not too bad.
D is for Dull – what your mind becomes after sleep deprivation and what your conversation becomes after only having the company of small people for extended periods of time
D is for Diaper – what you’re buying in the USA instead of a Nappy
D is for Danger – once you become a parent, Danger will be lurking around every soft pillow edge and all nooks and crannies.
D is for Divorce – consider one if your husband is jealous of all the attention your helpless new born baby needs. Reconsider this option once the child is on solids – if the kid can get its hand to its face you can resume a ‘happily ever after’ option.
D is for Drunk – what you’ll get every time you eat a wine gum. Cheap date gets a whole new meaning.
D is for Dressing – as much fun as it is to ‘play dolly’ – you are now dressing yourself and however many children you have. Your co-parent will be dressing himself and waiting in the car wondering why you’re taking so long.
D is for Dirt – get used to it.
D is for Dentistry – it’s expensive – see “Bank Loan”
D is for Dunking – I don’t know why but if you have a Toddler that doesn’t eat try this technique – it seems to work, I think because of the high mess factor they find it more satisfying
D is for Dancing – it used to be night in clubs now it’s for Baby Groups and Toddler Classes. The hangover isn’t as painful.
D is for Dishwasher – you need one if you don’t have one. See “Bank Loan”.
D is for Diseases – strangely since babies and children live in the same home as you they have their own diseases – know your rashes from your fungi.
D is for Dark – consider ‘black out blinds’ to keep sunset at the same time year round to avoid having to parent too much After Dark.
D is for Damsel In Distress – what you can’t be anymore. Mother’s MANAGE AND COPE! There is no time for Damn Silly In This Dress.
D is for Depression – drink your pills – don’t stop.
D is for Date Night – can possibly be resumed after the offspring start school – but then you’ll need a ‘Diary’ to make note of Parent Evening, Prize Giving, School Concerts and the Child’s own Social Calendar
D is for Diary – you’ll need an Excel Spread Sheet and a Personal Assistant if you want to stay on top of things. See “Bank Loan”